Sexy American diamonds lover Wanda and her boyfriend Otto are in England to plot alongside George and Ken the robbery of a diamond collection. Wanda and Otto want the stolen diamonds for themselves, and inform the police about George, not knowing that he has already moved the diamonds to another secret place. Wanda thinks the best way to find out is by getting close to George's lawyer, Archie Leach.
Henry Holland, a meek clerk who devises an ingenious plan to rob a fortune in gold bullion from his own bank. But when Henry and his odd accomplice melt the gold into souvenir Eiffel Towers to smuggle into France, their perfect crime becomes a disastrous caper of Cockney crooks, customs chaos and an ill-timed group of schoolgirls, all leading to some of the most hilarious and unexpected surprises in criminal history.